How To Deal With Rejection (Part 1)

Our Relationship With God Will Determine Our Relationship With People

Article by Pastor Ardison D. Bernardo

No one wants to be called a loser or a failure, nor be considered incompetent. Can you relate? You cried for help and received nothing but dead silence. Your summons for assistance goes unnoticed. You begged for an extension and gets turned down twice. And being a Christian you offered your best services of love only to hear the words, “No, thanks!”

What does a leader do when the church board disapproves his agenda? When the congregation dislikes you? When people have no high regard for you? When your colleagues make fun of you? What do you do? When your very own family has abandoned you? When nobody subscribes to your dreams? When your employees rally against you? When your work of genius gets no warm welcome?

Rage is fathered by anger. Anger almost always goes with its brother named rejection. No one wants to be rejected. We all strive for acceptance. We all long to be loved and liked. So when someone else’s program and good ideas are not appreciated, he feels rejected. How does one deal with rejection?

People react to rejection differently. I have to admit that I have been in these various roles. May this help you become self-aware.

1. The People Pleaser. The People Pleaser try to gain people’s approval by coming up with good services and excellent programs. Like for instance if a church leader’s program failed or has serious faults causing the proponent of the program to be blamed, he switches to a defense mechanism. Rather than being humble enough to see his faults and learn from the experience, he tries to blame other people and comes up with better programs. He comes up with better programs because he wants this feeling of appreciation, of being adored, and loved by his people, church, or company. Since he has not dealt with the past feelings of rejections, he buries the pain in pleasant experiences of success where he feels accepted and appreciated.
And most of us tend to reminisce good thoughts and memories when we received our rewards, or when we have been lavishly appreciated. We keep our trophies, plaques, and medals. These awards become proofs of our acceptance. Rather than deal with the feelings of rejection we try to do away with it by coming up with actions that will please people. Once we receive this feeling we dwell on it and bury the painful experience of the past.

The people pleaser syndrome is deeply rooted in his experiences in the past when he might have been rejected or left unappreciated by his family, friends, colleagues. And he hates this feeling. And he will do anything to cover up this feeling. Covering up is a very insidious cure. The wound is there and you don’t want to do anything about it.