What I Want to Be As a Pastor-Dad (final)

Here’s a list of what I want to be for my babies:

Loving Dad - No one can love them more than I do. That means exercising enough patience on them when they grumble. Loving them for who they are not simply for what they can do and should be. Being appreciative of their best efforts and being thankful for the simple things they can do. My love for them will not diminish when they fail or increase when they succeed. I will be a loving Dad whether they succeed or fail.  A loving Dad whether they err or behave.  A loving father whether they remain a Christian or not.

Dependable Dad -  I want to be there when they need me.  That includes changing their diapers and assisting them drink their vitamins. I want to be there when they call. Attending their  simple school play or finding money to finance their school’s nuclear project.  I want them to dream with the assurance that Daddy will be there as a dependable buddy to help them with their dreams and help them make it a reality.  I will be there when they need me the most and when they simply need a friend.

Playmate Dad - I want my kids to grow up enjoying playtime. Expose them to different games and sports. Perhaps in doing so, they will discover which game give them the most fun. Perhaps in doing so, help them find their career in their playtime. Perhaps help them discover their inborn talents and further develop it through play. After all, we usually enjoy the career that we enjoyed role-playing with when we were young.

Friend Dad - I want to be my babies’ bestfriend. To be able to go down to their level and hear about their crushes and stories in school. I want to know what’s going on in their lives and take time to know the problems they face. The adjustments they need to make.  I want to be a friend who simply listens. Watch movie together. Go malling together.  Simply have fun together.

Mentor Dad - I’d teach them about the basic skills I know in life. From changing flat tires to replacing the computer’s CPU. A little photography. Editing videos. Blogging. Painting. Creative arts. Poetry. Sketching. Appliance repair. Pathfindering. Boyscout stuff. Girlscout stuff.  Baking. Cooking.  Basic skills in life. Discovering your career. Finding the love of your life. Surviving life’s challenges.

Counselor Dad - When needed - be a counselor. Most of the times listening is enough. That would be enough.

Spiritual Dad- I want to be their foremost discipler. Not their youth pastor. Not their Sabbath school teacher.  After all, I am a pastor.  Teach them what I know about the Bible and really try to model it. Home worship. Sing praises. Be creative spiritually. Take them in my ministry activities.  Help them grow spiritually. Assist them in their journey as they discover, meet, and know Christ. It has to be intentional not just  mere modeling. A one-on-one discipleship.   To pray with them every night just before we sleep.

What I Want to Become as a Pastor-Dad

My wife dropped a bombshell on me last night. “If you don’t have time for your children now that they are young, you wont have time for them in the future.”

Parenting is tough. Sean is turning four this September 2009. Fiona just turned one year last July. Another baby is coming out this December.

And my wife did make a strong point last night. Let me confess my sin. Like typical Dads, all we want to do during our free time is to relax from the week’s labor. We want to untangle our busy mind and simply rest from anything that requires our brain to work or our bodies to move. We become couch potatoes on Sundays or in my case - Mondays - our family day.

All that my wife wanted me to do was to spend quality time with my children. Good movies are good - but teaching Sean to play the guitar is even better. Flexing his three year old fingers to hold the crayons right is the best preparation for oil painting. Taking the ball for a three-point shoot in Sean’s four-foot tall basketball ring is much better than playing computer games.

There is something about God’s procreation that teaches us to love and nurture that love. I believe that parenting is discipleship to the very core. And you can only teach if you have enough love. You can only give what you have. Therefore, as parents, the struggle is to be filled with love at all times so you can always have something to share.

Each of us grew with a different family background, childhood experiences, and educational training. When asked about our childhood recollections, what can we improve on our experiences that will make us better parents to the next generation? And in my case - to the next generation pastor’s kids (PK’s).

...to be continued

Personal Lessons from 1 Corinthians 13 (part 2)

4.  Love does not boast... it is not proud.    I should have nothing to do with the pecking order. Before I get quick to scat off and pretend I am not proud, I have already become proud.    The Pharisees during Jesus day are the kind of people who wants everyone’s attention, respect and admiration. At times I am one who do.  Am I not?  I love to be in the spotlight.  

   

  As a  pastor my role dictates I am a highly visible figure. How can I be a front man without succumbing to pride?

 “Regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3 nasb). That’s what Jesus did. While others were going up, he was going down.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Phil. 2:5–8 niv) 

Made me think again - Am I not meant to be a pastor forever? Well - God has called me to.  Should I not serve God as a pastor forever?  That is what he has called me to.   Think for a moment l-  God humbling himself to our level.  That is humility.  He left the castle so why should I be in one....servant leadership.
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When you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind” (Luke 14:13). My son’s next birthday will be held in honor of the outcasts. I want my son to know what it means to serve others.  True love puts others before self.  True love considers others more important than self. Philippians 2:3: “In humility consider others better than yourselves” (niv).


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When was the last time I served my wife?  When was the last time I served her than myself.  When was the last time I considered her more than myself. I am devoid of such love.  God has sent me here to remind me that there is hope for people like me. That I too need to come to God thirsty for this kind of love.  So I come thirsty. And drink from the fountain of God’s love. 

to be continued...

Personal Lessons from 1 Corinthians 13 (part 1)

Here are some personal lessons I have learned from 1 Corinthians 13 in the context of family life:

1.  Love is patient. I get irritable at times.  At times I have been impatient with my wife (Thank God she is patient with my impatience!). Jesus was patient with people.  Patient with the corrupt crook named Zaccheus. Patient with the motormouth Peter.   Shouldn’t I be more patient with my lovely wife's little shortcomings (compare that with my unforgivable shortcomings) who at times still struggle with the hardships of child rearing. 

2.  Love is kind. Love is not just about words.  It is love in action.  It means going the extra mile. It means washing the dishes for my wife and not just saying I love you.  When was the last time your  wife said to you, “Dear, you are so kind to me.”    Before anyone else should say I am a loving person, my wife should be the  first to say I am kind.   Am I kind? Way a lot to go!

3.  Love does not envy.  My wife knows I love gadgets. Although I am not that type of person who really covets people’s stuff, I am that person who can become greedy (at least in the mind).  Lusting for the latest gadgets.  For the latest technological trends.  Sucked in to the hype.  Although i try to reason out that I do need these things for ministry, they never get used for its intended purpose. Or should I say their use are not maximized as  effective tools for my ministry.  I should carefully think about these matters. 

... to be continued

My ANGEL

MY ANGEL

I can only think of you right now. I miss you so terribly.

Your eyes full of understanding and joy. They give me hope. Those windows of beauty give me vision to see the world as it is and behold it with awe and amazement. I see in your eyes love greater than the love that built Taj Majal. In those sweet portals I find joy.

You are my treasure. No, much more-my life. You are my crown that make complete my manly bearing. You are priceless! Much more than all the wealth of this world combined.

How can I ever forget you. Thoughts of you electrify my senses. Pictures of your lovely face in my mind saturates my whole being with your loveliness. Aaaahh…. Your face…

Your face so delicately interwoven with all the beauty any man would desire. It glows with pulchritude I gladly enjoy gazing at. Your face oh so delicate and pure and soft like that of a baby. It beams with all the radiance of love and happiness the world can offer. It speaks of unshakable love and bewilders spectators to stop and look admiring it with a sense of adoration they wish they could own. Aaah… but you are mine alone. Mine! Your face is mine alone to behold and cherish.

Wish you were here by my side. I long for your sweet embrace. The softness of which is my refuge. Your cushiony embrace provides relaxation to my aching muscles. Its tenderness soothes my tired mind. And oh there in the beauty of it all I can behold your lovely face smiling with the brightest of cheer. My eyes in your eyes. My escapade from the harshness of this world. Then I would hear your voice…

So cute. Calming. Melting my heart with its pitch of compassionate love. Tickling to my ear. Stroking gently the soul of my heart. Just to hear your voice makes me fall in love again as new as when I first talked with you. No wonder you are my angel. For when you speak , I hear an angel with a voice that touches the deepest part of my soul. And it rings in my ear. It never fades. Oh yes! The laughter’s I won’t forget. Each time you chuckle you send thrill into my heart. I get influenced too to chirp and chatter. Your voice breathe life into my soul. It simply smiles and aspirate delight to my heart.

Then I see you walking down the street in your perfect figure of beauty. My eyes are caught. I fail to breathe and behold that striking symmetry kicking my heart to the highest heights of exaltation. I find myself astounded by your figure of utmost balance and proportion. Your are to me the sexiest woman in the world. You are characterized not by regular features but by perfect beauty of harmony and charm. Each time I gaze at you I see fairness that holds attraction. I delight feasting on the spectacle of scenic beauty. Wheeew! What a sight!

It does not stop there! I am a proud owner of a woman with ripe wisdom. Your mature understanding, grasp of intellect, profundity of though, and depth of mind continue to lure me. Your someone to trust and depend on during times of sensitive decision-making. Your insights are always marked by tolerance, broad-mindedness, and objectivity. I am enlightened by the soundness of your discretion again and again. The profundity of your wisdom assures me of paths to be well-traveled. With you by my side I have someone to enjoy life sensibly. You are there to countercheck vital choices that determine my destiny and our future. Your corrections and advise I will always need. Your such a precious friend to me my angel. May you ever shine with mature wisdom.

Thank you for being your all to me-my friend, my girl, my woman, my soon to be wife. You never stop becoming the best that you can be. You never get tired of loving me and doing everything to make me happy. I will always be grateful of that gift-the greatest gift I have received- the gift of you. An angel wrapped in God’s love possessing all the tenderness, sweetness, and love I will always desire. I give thanks to the Highest for sending an angel by my side to guide and care for me. Sometimes it makes me think. Are you really not an angel?

Your love has transformed me. You have touched my life (makes me think again if you’re really not an angel) You have made a difference in my life. You have taught me love of its truest kind. You have shown me love of the grandest heights. You are the only woman I want to marry. Not to be exchanged with anything else except God. You are mine to adore and cherish. Mine to protect and secure. Mine, mine, mine. Mine to love forever. I will always love you. And if I forget I know your love will always be there to remind me again that to lose you is to lose my life. What is life without you. I will always have you for I won’t let go of you. Even if you grew tired of loving me I will carry you in my love to rejuvenate the love that once grew.

I still have many letters to write, songs to compose, pictures to paint. I still have many mountains to climb, lands to conquer, seas to dive. I still have many sermons to deliver, articles to write, songs to sing. I still have many dreams to reach, goals to accomplish, plans to fulfill. And I will do it because you have inspired me. I will never fail because you are there by my side. And if I fail I still have not lost because the highest mountain, the largest land, the deepest sea, the grandest dream, the noblest goal, the greatest plan, the sweetest letter, the best painting, the loveliest song, the greatest of all - is YOU!

I love you very, very, very much! Happy Valentines Day! My gift to you today - MYSELF! YOURS ALONE FOREVER!

Love,
Ardie / Feb. 14, 2000

TEN RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (Part 2)

continued...

6. Don't marry the person who'’s not sensitive to your needs.
Insensitivity leads to misunderstandings. Marry the person who can teach you to be more sensitive to his/her needs; a person who is willing to know your emotional and spiritual needs and unselfishly fill it in. Marry the person who can communicate with you his/her ideas, plans, fears, failures, and frustrations.

7. Don't marry the person who'’s not quick to admit his/her error.
Humility, meekness, and forgiveness. Before you judge your partner, are you quick to admit your own faults? Learn to communicate deeply. Romance involves mental and spiritual intimacy. Don't marry the person who thinks he/she has every right to judge others but not himself/herself.

8. Don't marry the person who wants to become more of what you expected him/her to be than what he/she ought to be.
Partners should be able to compliment each other's strengths and compensate for his/her partner's weaknesses. Each person should be able to say, "Let me tell you who I am. I am good at this, I am almost great at that, I am poor at this, and I am embarrassingly poor at that. That's me. And here's what I think I can do here. Does that match up with what you expect me to do?" If he/she says "yes, I accept you!" then go for the bells with no questions asked. In the end each one should be able to say, "I discovered what it meant to become more of me and less of what others expected." Follow this rule and your life will not be under the mercy of other people who are trying to control your life.

9. Don't marry the person who says, "I love you dear but I'm not ready to go where we need to go, and do what I need to do because my life is not just to be your husband/wife."
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This does not mean that both will now have the same favorite food, favorite color, and favorite movie. Relationships should not be characterized by competition but by mutuality. Isn't it nice to hear your partner say, "I love you dear and I'm ready to go where we need to go, and do what I need to do because my life is to be your husband/wife."

10. Don't marry a perfect person because you are not an angel.
Most of us are looking for angels and not looking for wives/husbands. Don't ask for more than what you can give. Looking for somebody whose faith is so strong that he/she can evangelize the world when you yourself don't even pray to God. Looking for someone whose figure can be featured in the Glamor magazine when you just broke the weighing scale? Be realistic. Be humanly realistic. No one is perfect. Love is a developed capacity. Everyone has a need for love and born with the potential to love. Love grows in a home. Love loves imperfections.

TEN RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Thoughts To Consider Before You Get Engaged !

"An engagement is a promise to marry, and also refers to the time between proposal and marriage." Wikipedia

I am now happily married to my ex-girlfriend for 7 years. Four years before we got married, I had to work as youth pastor in a city church in Guam-Micronesia mission for one year. Leaving her behind, the experience was one of the loneliest period in my life. It was during that time I came to realize how much I love her. Trying to find the reasons why I love her and why I want to marry her, I got inspired to write these ten rules of engagement. So before you get engaged, think thrice.

My wife passed all these rules. May it guide you as well:

1. Don't marry the person who doesn't make God first in his/her life.
Of course who would want to marry someone who does not believe in the God you worship and does not practice the Christian standard you uphold. Spirituality matters most. God is the center of all meaningful and successful relationships. Don't marry the person who just goes to church; marry the person who knows God intimately.

2. Don't marry the person who doesn't make you first in his/her human relationships.
Why marry the person who loves his/her talents more than you? Why marry the person who loves his/her goals and ambitions more than you? Why marry the person who puts more time for sports and other pursuits than you? His/her first duty is to his/her family. Don't marry the person who'd rather do something else than be with you. Marry someone who values his/her relationship with God and you more than anything else. Marry the person who puts more importance on his partner's interest than his/her own. The greatest gift you can ever give to someone is to give yourself. That relationship is to take precedence over anything else, over everything except God himself.

3. Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry the person you think you can't live without.
In short, marry the person you truly love. Others marry for fun, several marry for company, some marry for convenience, quite a few for a committed love. Ask yourself, "Is he/she the person I really love so much that I can't live without?"

4. Don't marry the person who talks more about himself/herself than he/she can talk about you.
A self-centered person brags about his/her achievements, goals, and success. A true lover always looks for something beautiful in his/her partner and never fails to discover and appreciate the unique and peculiar qualities of his/her love. He/she chooses to talk more, in private and in public, about his/her partner's characteristics than his/her own. You want someone who admire you, not himself/herself or your neighbor.

5. Don't marry the person who doesn't have a mature understanding of life's struggles and pains.
Only someone who has a deeper understanding of life's struggles can truly appreciate the value of relationships. He/she can grasp the true meaning of the realities of life; its discouragements and pains, its hardships and troubles, its mishaps and casualties. Marry someone who can show you what life is. Marry someone who can help you develop a more realistic view of yourself and your personal limitations.

To be continued tomorrow...

Keep Your Family Day Holy

If salvation is by works many pastors will surely make it to heaven. Pastors keep their appointments. They faithfully perform their duties. They observe the Sabbath. But how many relish and keep their family days holy?

When pastors consistently take pleasure in taking a day-off in a week to be with their families, there will be a lot more disciple-makers in the church where now there is one.

Rule no. 1

Rule no. 1: Love you family with all your heart, mind, and soul. Your family will either break you or make you.

How God created women still amazes me. They are by nature creature of relationships .I believe that more women will make it to heaven than men just because they are creatures of love.

The lesson that struck me the most is to remember your wife at all times. There is no excuse for forgetting her. Love your wife and she will love you more. Take time with your family and you will be blessed.

I am blessed to have a wife like Cindy. She keeps me on track. She keeps me blessed and loved. And she makes me happy all the time. As a mother she really wants to give her best to her son. I really love my wife.