How To Deal With Rejection (Part 3)

5. The I’m Ok, You’re Ok Guy. There are persons who just disregard feelings of rejection all together. When people turn them down, or criticize them, or all together disregard them, they say, “well that’s ok. Everyone is entitled to his own opinion. As far as I know I am Ok. We are all ok. Everything is ok.”

The problem with this indifferent, hard-shell approach is that the I’m Ok-You’re OK person might miss an opportunity to evaluate self. If you don’t know how to handle rejection you either become angry and fail to grow. Assessing your anger and frustration helps you see whether your anger and frustration is valid or not. If its not, then there is room for growth as you evaluate your mistakes, shortcomings, or personality flaws and grow from the experience.

The I’m Ok -You’re Ok person is unaffected at all by any criticism or tends to disregard it as if the rejection or hurt does not exist. But the problem is at times the I’m Ok-You’re Ok types react to rejection by quitting. He says to himself, “Ok if that’s the case then I’ll quit.”

But the world is in great need of your ministry that when you just quit on what you stand for and don’t give a thought about it, God loses one of his best soldiers.

6. The Law Keeper. The Law Keepers have good reputation in their communities or society. These are the straight guys. They are the protectors of the standards of the church. They are the keepers of the flame.

The problem with some Law Keepers is that they dress to impress. They obey because the good name gives them the feeling of importance and acceptance. Their title and reputation means everything to them. And they are willing to keep it untarnished.

In my experience however the law keepers always had a past experience of rejection as a consequence of perhaps not obeying the rules or any failure on his/her part to be the best person he can ever be.

Since he or she doesn’t want other people to go through the same painful experience, the Law Keeper models a life of obedience. But like the Power Ruler he/she has a tendency to impose upon others his/her convictions. He/she becomes judgmental. Laws are kept for legalistic purposes and no longer out of love. What becomes important is that people are made to obey the rules rather than winning people’s heart to understand these rules and perhaps be convicted to obey them too.

How To Deal With Rejection (Part 2)

2. The Flamboyant Talker. We all want the respect, admiration, andappreciation of our love ones. No one likes to be disliked. No one likes his ideas to be disapproved or taken for granted. But when our personality clashes with other people, when people start disliking us or start to lose respect in us, the flamboyant talker tries to cover up for this low feeling caused by rejection by trying to get everyone’s attention. He measures self-importance through peer acceptance. In the case of pastors - acceptance by our colleagues. Acceptance is everyone’s comfort zone.

So how does one try to gain people’s respect and approval? In the case of the flamboyant talker he tries to gain people’s attention by being loud. He may become vocal about issues and call for people’s attention with his flamboyant personality. In crowds or meetings he becomes an animated, vibrant, and vivacious talking machine. Too often he goes to the sidelines and does not make a point. But the attention he draws gives

him the high feeling of being noticed, of feeling important and not rejected.

3. The Show-Off. Other people try to cover up for their experiences of rejection by diverting people’s attention on what they have acquired, attained, and experienced.

People may want to use educational attainments to gain people’s respect which they desperately needed. Although academic pursuits should be taken for professional growth and self-improvement, some people have used academic degrees to get the respect and acceptance they wanted. Since our society today rates us based on our educational attainment and success in life, we also use the same position and power to get the self-importance we needed so much.

To bury past feelings of rejection, we cover it up by gaining people’s approval and attention through acquisition of stuffs that make us feel good about ourselves like new cellphones, laptops, cars, gadgets, clothes and other toys that subtly gives us a feeling of importance.

People also use their experience to gain leverage and advantage over those with less experience. To cover up possible rejection of people they share their wealth of experiences to draw people’s confidence on them as if to say, “Hey,better listen to me. I am more experienced than anyone else.”

Wealth, power, education, and experience are not bad in themselves but if used as the foundation of our self-worth, self-acceptance to combat people’s rejection and gain their approval it becomes a wrong motivation for people’s acceptance.

4. The Power Ruler. Other people resort to martial law power. Rather than win people with conviction they impose their convictions on others. If majority of the people reject the Power Ruler’s opinion

s and ideas, the Power Ruler then uses his status, power, and influence to enforce acceptance. His assertiveness and cunning logic are used with manipulation to get people saying “yes!”

Leaders who felt rejected are at times too foolish and hardheaded to look at their own flaws and understand other people’s point of view. Rather than go down to people’s level to listen and try to make a connection, they respond to people’s rejection by imposing their power and authority upon them. Instead of working towards mutual understanding they inflict force on others using subversive tactics of clever persuasion and logical reasoning. The Power Ruler become foolish enough to win people’s approval by intimidation and looks.

The Power Ruler uses power and intimation to enforce his views and convictions rather than use gentle persuasion through the power of the Holy Spirit . They don’t work to to win people’s heart. Instead they impose their ideas on them. This person believes that he has gained acceptance when people holds his views even if it means people follow them without truly becoming convicted.

How To Deal With Rejection (Part 1)

Our Relationship With God Will Determine Our Relationship With People

Article by Pastor Ardison D. Bernardo

No one wants to be called a loser or a failure, nor be considered incompetent. Can you relate? You cried for help and received nothing but dead silence. Your summons for assistance goes unnoticed. You begged for an extension and gets turned down twice. And being a Christian you offered your best services of love only to hear the words, “No, thanks!”

What does a leader do when the church board disapproves his agenda? When the congregation dislikes you? When people have no high regard for you? When your colleagues make fun of you? What do you do? When your very own family has abandoned you? When nobody subscribes to your dreams? When your employees rally against you? When your work of genius gets no warm welcome?

Rage is fathered by anger. Anger almost always goes with its brother named rejection. No one wants to be rejected. We all strive for acceptance. We all long to be loved and liked. So when someone else’s program and good ideas are not appreciated, he feels rejected. How does one deal with rejection?

People react to rejection differently. I have to admit that I have been in these various roles. May this help you become self-aware.

1. The People Pleaser. The People Pleaser try to gain people’s approval by coming up with good services and excellent programs. Like for instance if a church leader’s program failed or has serious faults causing the proponent of the program to be blamed, he switches to a defense mechanism. Rather than being humble enough to see his faults and learn from the experience, he tries to blame other people and comes up with better programs. He comes up with better programs because he wants this feeling of appreciation, of being adored, and loved by his people, church, or company. Since he has not dealt with the past feelings of rejections, he buries the pain in pleasant experiences of success where he feels accepted and appreciated.
And most of us tend to reminisce good thoughts and memories when we received our rewards, or when we have been lavishly appreciated. We keep our trophies, plaques, and medals. These awards become proofs of our acceptance. Rather than deal with the feelings of rejection we try to do away with it by coming up with actions that will please people. Once we receive this feeling we dwell on it and bury the painful experience of the past.

The people pleaser syndrome is deeply rooted in his experiences in the past when he might have been rejected or left unappreciated by his family, friends, colleagues. And he hates this feeling. And he will do anything to cover up this feeling. Covering up is a very insidious cure. The wound is there and you don’t want to do anything about it.

BEST VALUE BLUETOOTH LASER MOUSE FOR MACBOOKS

BEST VALUE BLUETOOTH LASER MOUSE FOR MACBOOKS

A mouse has always been friendlier to me than a trackpad. Consider what I have always wanted in a mouse and why I prefer a Logitech v470 mouse over Apple’s Wireless Mighty Mouse (WMM) for my Macbook:

1. BLUETOOTH WIRELESS TECHNOLOGY- wireless freedom. No messy wires. And no external USB receiver/dongle that takes up one of the USB ports. Both v470 and WMM have bluetooth.

2. LASER TECHNOLOGY - Laser precision : outperforms optical mice. Laser technology delivers smoother cursor control on virtually any surface. Both v470 and WMM have laser

3. TWO-BUTTON MOUSE- I find v470 easier to use compared to the WMM. The right-click in WMM works best when only one finger is in contact with the right part of the mouse.

4. FORM & STYLE- V470’s color is white and matches my macbook perfectly. It fits nicely into even larger hands and has a built in battery indicator near the scroll wheel. The WMM just feels so flat.

5. DURABILITY - V470 has a light and a very solid overal design. Logitech has been in the mouse business for years and is known for durability.

6. SCROLL WHEEL - The v470 has a wheel that can be rocked from side to side. Scrolling is smooth and accurate. The WMM’s scroll ball usually stops working when dirt gets inside the ball which means you have to clean it regularly or better yet washed your hands before using it.

7. BATTERY INDICATOR - The v470 has a battery indicator light built in the mouse whereas WMM has none. The v470 has a battery life of up to 4 months. There is an on-off switch to conserve the battery.

8. EXTRAS - The v470 comes with its own carry pouch to protect it from scratches.

9. BEST VALUE BLUETOOTH LASER MOUSE- I find all the features I want in Logitech’s v470 and is priced at 50 dollars compared to Apple’s WMM priced at 70 dollars.

Affordable Macbook (& other laptops) Accessories

Accessories and peripherals make MacLife exciting and productive.

My recommendations for those who are tight on budget:

1.2 GB 667 DDR2 Kingston memory. Increase performance of your macbook and do more with multitasking. Php 2,150.

2. Logitech v470 Bluetooth Laser Mouse. More efficient and durable that a wireless mighty mouse. Php 2,100+

3. 22“ Samsung 2253LW 1680x1050. Php 12, 700. 5 Star good looking, sleek, excellent performing monitor for dual screen. Install an external tv tuner to it so it’s a tv when there is no computer work to be done. 45 w power consumption. Saves electricity.

4. HP C4280 Photosmart Printer. Color matches your macbook and it’s blazing fast. Print speed: up to 30 ppm for black; up to 23 ppm for color. Php 5,900. I converted mine to continuous ink system (CIS) so you can print without guilt. Php 3,000+ Note: There is no available CIS for this model in the market yet. Took me a day to make a custom-made CIS for my printer. Saves me thousands from ink cost.

5. External DVD Writer: Internal LiteOn DVD Writer Dual Layer with LightScribe Technology in a a generic USB 2.0 case- Stuck with a combo drive? Are you burning a lot of DVD's and CD's for business?Get one! Php 1,300+

6. CDR King Laptop Nylon Bag - Need an affordable laptop bag that carries your laptop with extra space for a weekend gig? Php 680

7. Security Lock -Secure your laptop at home and office. Php 120+
White"iPod" USB 2.0 Hub - Expand with 4 additional USB ports for your printer, HD, Writer, and mouse so you just plug into one USB port fo your MB and save the other for a flash drive or camera. Php 200+

8. Soft Cleaning Brush -Brush the dust off the screen. Php 100+

9. LCD Screen Protector (generic) -Protect your LCD display from unwanted scratches. Children can be naugthy! Php 250+

10. iWork sleeve with memory foam _Protect your macbook from accidental bumps. Php 1,500 at Greenhills.

11. iSkin - Prevent dust and unwanted stains from getting into your keyboard and palmrest. Php 700 Generic is 150+

12. Mini Vacuum Cleaner - If you don't like rubber on your keyboard and want it bare, clean it regularly with a battery powered mini-vacuum cleaner. Php 150+

13. Creative Stereo Speakers -If you are into movies or presentations, get those speakers for a full, clear, rich sound. Php 450+. A relative gave me a set of portable Bose speakers that delivers a crisp, powerful, and theater-quality sound. Php 7,000 Visit Bose.

14. Notebook Cooler with 4 additional USB ports/stereo speakers- Macbook's working hard? Cool it down and enjoy the music. Php 300 to 2200+