TEN RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Thoughts To Consider Before You Get Engaged !

"An engagement is a promise to marry, and also refers to the time between proposal and marriage." Wikipedia

I am now happily married to my ex-girlfriend for 7 years. Four years before we got married, I had to work as youth pastor in a city church in Guam-Micronesia mission for one year. Leaving her behind, the experience was one of the loneliest period in my life. It was during that time I came to realize how much I love her. Trying to find the reasons why I love her and why I want to marry her, I got inspired to write these ten rules of engagement. So before you get engaged, think thrice.

My wife passed all these rules. May it guide you as well:

1. Don't marry the person who doesn't make God first in his/her life.
Of course who would want to marry someone who does not believe in the God you worship and does not practice the Christian standard you uphold. Spirituality matters most. God is the center of all meaningful and successful relationships. Don't marry the person who just goes to church; marry the person who knows God intimately.

2. Don't marry the person who doesn't make you first in his/her human relationships.
Why marry the person who loves his/her talents more than you? Why marry the person who loves his/her goals and ambitions more than you? Why marry the person who puts more time for sports and other pursuits than you? His/her first duty is to his/her family. Don't marry the person who'd rather do something else than be with you. Marry someone who values his/her relationship with God and you more than anything else. Marry the person who puts more importance on his partner's interest than his/her own. The greatest gift you can ever give to someone is to give yourself. That relationship is to take precedence over anything else, over everything except God himself.

3. Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry the person you think you can't live without.
In short, marry the person you truly love. Others marry for fun, several marry for company, some marry for convenience, quite a few for a committed love. Ask yourself, "Is he/she the person I really love so much that I can't live without?"

4. Don't marry the person who talks more about himself/herself than he/she can talk about you.
A self-centered person brags about his/her achievements, goals, and success. A true lover always looks for something beautiful in his/her partner and never fails to discover and appreciate the unique and peculiar qualities of his/her love. He/she chooses to talk more, in private and in public, about his/her partner's characteristics than his/her own. You want someone who admire you, not himself/herself or your neighbor.

5. Don't marry the person who doesn't have a mature understanding of life's struggles and pains.
Only someone who has a deeper understanding of life's struggles can truly appreciate the value of relationships. He/she can grasp the true meaning of the realities of life; its discouragements and pains, its hardships and troubles, its mishaps and casualties. Marry someone who can show you what life is. Marry someone who can help you develop a more realistic view of yourself and your personal limitations.

To be continued tomorrow...

To Quit or To Worship

What is it about You Lord that I should adore? What is it about You that I should praise? When I fail, do You love me less? When I succeed, do You love me more? As your handiwork why have You created me? For what purpose? For what reason?

Lord, You know my heart. I am not perfect. I am not pure. Your presence alone makes me all that I am - perfect in Christ Jesus. You have given me a status so clean. Help me to live clean.

God You are a holy God. In You holiness I cannot stay unclean. Unholy. A holy God only can make a holy person. Make me holy, Father. Help me to live a holy life. That is what I need. That is what I want.

Lord, honestly at times I doubt my calling. I want to open my heart to you. There have been instances when I wonder why I am in the ministry. I often ask myself why do I have to go through all the pressures in this kind of work. But it is more than work I know. It is a calling. That makes all the difference in the world. That transforms my attitude and outlook in life. But whatever one's profession is, we all have been called. Called for the purpose of living for Your glory.

God you know how at times I wanted to quit ministry. I know too of ministers who have already burned out because of too much demands. Ministry, Lord, can really be exhausting. Pressures come from all sides. Anyway, any people-oriented work is really stressful. So perhaps, Lord, that is not an excuse. Besides, You promised to grant me with power and grace. Grace for every moment. Grace for every trial. Grace for every defeat. Grace for every pressure. Grace for every relationship. Grace for every day.

Lord, I am so sorry for trying to run away from You. Instead of running away, let me face that solemn responsibility of drawing your flock closer to your throne. Near to where you are. Keep me patient and humble. Keep me wise. Keep me forever secured in you love.

Almighty God, I just can't help but to wonder at Your grace. Wonder at Your magnificent love. You love me. How can you love a minuscule creation like me in such a vast universe. That is the wonder of Your love. How wonderful You are! Just when I am not at my best, You remind me of Your love that never change. You remind me there is power in your love.

You created me to worship You! Thank you for the privilege. There is power and life when I come to worship and serve You. You are wonderful! Wonderful to look at. Wonderful to serve. Wonderful to love and worship.

How to Cope with Death

Losing someone. It's really hard. The sting of death... As I was meditating on the gospels I was inspired to write truth in distilled form-

Jesus first died in Gethsemane before Calvary.
Self needs to die in the garden to lift our burden.

Like He we first die in Gethsemane before Calvary.
Then by looking at the tree, from death we are set free.

Death becomes bearable when we have been on our knees.
Not on Mt. Calvary. But in Gethsemane.

Have you today visited your spot among the olive trees?
-ADBernardo

A Board Taker's Prayer

If you are taking a national board exam (nursing, law, accountancy, etc.), you can download the "A Board Taker's Prayer" attachment, print it, and pray this prayer as you prepare for and take the board exam.

As part of iDREAM's ministry to young professionals in AUP and other places, we conduct a praise and worship service for board takers. It is a Spirit-filled, prayer-driven, and Bible-based celebration of God's guidance and goodness over the board taker's preparations for the national board exam. The AWE4HIM praise team leads out to help us connect with God through praise songs, followed by a study of God's word on the importance of prayer, and formation of prayer warrior groups who intercede for the board takers until the last day of the exam.

The printed prayer is distributed after the service to be kept in their wallets to become a constant reminder of their commitment to God and their small groups.

For invitations on how to organize the Board Taker's Praise & Worship event, contact me at ardisonbernardo@gmail.com.

How To Deal With Rejection (Conclusion)

Hi guys! I have been out for almost a week. Just came back from a leadership seminar. Let me conclude this article. May it help you in your journey.- Pastor Ardie

DEALING WITH REJECTION

So how do we deal with these feelings of rejection? So what do we do when we get rejected by the people we serve, love, and respect? We often respond to rejection in anger. Is it a bad reaction? How do we deal with these feelings of rejection.

Ever been to a party where no one noticed you? Have you been put in office and discovered no one wants to follow you? Perhaps a friend betrayed you. You wife doesn’t believe in you. Even your dog hates you.

How do we deal with rejection? We all want the respect, admiration, and appreciation of our love ones. No one likes to be disliked. No one likes his ideas to be disapproved or taken for granted. So what do we do when we get rejected by the people we serve, love, and respect?

We often respond to rejection in anger. Is it a bad reaction? Assessing your anger and frustration helps you see whether your anger and frustration are valid or not. If its not, then there is room for growth as you evaluate your mistakes, shortcomings, or personality flaws and grow from the experience.

All of us have a desire to be loved and liked. People are created for relationships. And within that framework our desire is to make others happy and in the process become happy in return. No one wants to love and be rejected. We want to love and be loved.

People often respond to rejection in anger. Is it a bad reaction?

Anger in and of itself is not a sin. God put this emotion in us. “Be angry,” he urges, “and do not sin” (Eph. 4:26 nkjv). Anger is not a sin, but it can lead to sin. Perhaps your anger doesn’t lead you to shed blood, but does it make you touchy, irritable, quick-tempered, quick to take offense?

But don’t we become touchy, irritable, quick tempered when people reject us? The next time your are fuming with anger ask yourself, “why am i fuming with anger?” You can always narrow the answer down to one word- rejection.

You hurt. And because you get hurt, you get hot. Anger is your defense mechanism.

Now that we know the common cause of anger- rejection- what is the cure? What is the opposite of rejection?

Acceptance!

If rejection causes anger, wouldn’t acceptance cure it?

Max Lucado has a very good insight on this:

A point we need to take is the story of Cain and Abel. When God rejected the offering of Cain’s own choosing how did he react? The text gives an answer. “The Lord accepted Abel and his gift, but he did not accept Cain and his gift. So Cain became very angry and felt rejected” (Gen. 4:4–5, ).

If rejection by heaven makes you mad at others, wouldn’t acceptance from heaven stir your love for them?... Remember the verse? “He who is forgiven little loves little.” We can replace the word forgiven with accepted and maintain the integrity of the passage. “He who is accepted little loves little.” If we think God is harsh and unfair, guess how we’ll treat people. Harshly and unfairly. But if we discover that God has doused us with unconditional love, would that make a difference?

So what turned the apostle Paul from a bully to a teddy bear?He encountered Christ. Or, to use his phrase, he was hidden in Christ: “Your life is now hidden with Christ in God” (Col. 3:3 niv).

Max describes this thought beautifully in his book A Love Worth Giving: Through Christ, God has accepted you. Think about what this means. I’m scooting forward and talking softly again: You cannot keep people from rejecting you. But you can keep rejections from enraging you. Rejections are like speed bumps on the road. They come with the journey. Tacky purse peddlers populate the world. You’re going to get cut, dished, dropped, and kicked around. You cannot keep people from rejecting you. But you can keep rejections from enraging you. How? By letting his acceptance compensate for their rejection.

When the world has turned its back on you, remember whose you are! God has accepted you. God loved you even before you have known Him. Let His love that accepted you just as you are melt your heart and say, "People can reject me but God has already accepted me. He has forgiven me and is always willing to forgive me. My life is now hidden in Christ. I may not win the applause of the world but I can applaud God." Why? He who is forgiven much loves much. Or should I say, he who is accepted much, loves much.